Reiki Teacher Prasad Karmarkar role in USHA's Life Part - 6
This is my ode for woman’s day. A day when I choose
to share my journey through the past two years.
I invited death!!
It’s been a battle for me from last year……..I chose
to move from one space to another……..physically and spiritually, from the
materialist world to a world of just being, to a world of surrender, to the
world where I could contribute all my talent and experience in the space of
spirituality.
The spiritual world was no longer like going to the
Himalayas and being in deep meditation, the context has changed, the perception
has become different, those in the materialistic world, deeply in the throes of
relationships and corporations envisaged to dip themselves in the sea of
spirituality and cleanse and move continuously. This is where I saw myself
contributing……..
The move was disaster…….did not work…….but the
resilience and support that the universe provided to me helped me spring back
to the so-called materialistic world but now I was armed with the experience
and strength had kept me spiritual within.
But now I enjoyed the world that I earlier came from
with a renewed visual appeal. Many feelings like those of restlessness,
agitation, anger, desperation …….were mostly gone……..I did not feel them so
much actively. I have become more tolerant, loving, forgiving and calm.
This was at an internal level.
But at a physical level, there was so much turmoil;
the body was reacting violently to all that had happened in my life.
I was in and out of hospital like going into my
bedroom. This year saw me at the hospital nearly 8 times……..
The problems were never-ending linking from one to
another if one part was taken care of the other screamed, and then another and
so on…..
I encountered problems that made me study anatomy I
was looking up books and the web on how the intestines functioned, looked, what
could happen to them, was the stomach singing a song of joy or anguish…… I
wondered how god had created all this, so per functionary, yet amazingly
fantastic.
then on Christmas Day, I crashed at my dearest
friend Kanchana’s house, I had to be hospitalized, my docs were in a panic, I
was moved into surgery the next evening, at 4.30 pm to be precise…….
“She is on the brink” anything can happen said the
doctor to my one and only family member my maasi (aunty).
My friends and my aunty were completely shocked and
prayed for me……..
I managed to survive…….the docs put in their 200%,
but in a manner that hit me psychologically.
My intestine would be placed in a bag under my skin
and only my small intestines would do the work of digestion, what on earth was
this? I had never heard of anything like that before. 6 days and out of the ICU
I was had a counseling session by a psychiatrist, who held my hand and took me
through all my bouts of depression, sadness, the why me syndrome, crying and
sobbing unstoppably.
All this was prevalent for a month or so….and then
one day while I was lying on my bed I remembered, had I not been saying all the
time ‘now I am ready to die, anytime, I have nothing left to do’. Here it was,
this experience was to teach me a lesson, life is a gift of God and we must
respect it, cherish it, enjoy it, savor everything in it. I got the message
loud and clear……..
NEVER WILL I SAY THIS…..I WILL LIVE AS LONG AS I AM
MEANT TO BE.
More on how I managed this whole colostomy and
learned to live with it…………..soon
The colostomy story:
Like they say life must go on, I had to accept the
situation and live. Live not a morose and sad life but thank god for giving
this life back to me and be a happy and evolved person.
I set a target for myself self I had to get back to
work, accept this physical condition and cope with it.
I had all the support I needed, all my reiki friends
and group were constantly supporting me, my reiki master Reiki Teacher Prasad Karmarkar was is and will
be forever the strongest support of my life. He has taken me through all this
so smoothly, I couldn’t have done it without him and the entire reiki group.
oh, my dearest friend abhijit…….he stood by me too.
And can I ever forget the rock-like support from
Kanchana my soul mate and RK, my ex-husband?
Every friend of mine
Suma/Mangala/Narsimhan/Jaya/Vani/Aru all of them were there for me, while one
would send me juice the other would send me food, someone sent me books to read,
they all came by in turns and sat with me at the hospital and home.
Of course my messiahs Dr. Anindita and Dr. Chandan.
All these people were my messengers of god.
Love you all
While support from my contacts was huge, the company
I worked for stepped in and amply took care of me financially and mentally.
Ravi gave me the support of a job that waited for me. Starcom held my hand
constantly. My respects to you guys.
All this happened in Jan and Feb. 08. I had decided
I will start working in march…….my docs asked me if I would be able to, I had
not even stepped out of my house as yet, I will do that soon …..
Within a week I went down in my apartment garden for
short walks, was a tough cookie to crack. It felt like the whole world was
going round and I felt giddy. My aunt helped me and both of us walked like
little kids who had just learned to walk
March 1st was a Saturday, I had to start work on
Monday…….my wounds had not healed completely, my whole abdomen was full of
plasters and dressing, how could I go to office, what if the dressing gave
trouble, what if the intestinal bag gave trouble, how would I manage all this,
what should I wear? I could not wear the clothes I used earlier; I needed
something loose on the abdomen. Oh god! I did not think about this one at
all…….
Quick Usha comes on be creative and think of some
options, I just hopped into the car and went to Fab India, picked up some
fabulous, bright-colored gera skirts, some nice tops and there I was all set to
go to the office.
The plasters and dressing and bag and all of that
will behave, I requested for reiki from everyone.
I spoke to Kanchana on Sunday and asked her if I
should postpone my joining to a week later, she was furious, NO u must go
tomorrow to work, even if it is for a couple of hours. Fine I will go I
decided.
MARCH 3 – 8.30 AM I left home in the comforts of my
Honda city. I was fully equipped, a kit bag full of cotton, plasters, tapes,
Neutrogena hand wash, and so many things…….food that I could digest easily……biscuits/dry
fruits/apple/ I was not only equipped I was virtually armed.
Guys I MADE IT………..I HUNG ON TILL 4 PM.
Everything behaved and I was fine.
I started working full time from Wednesday the same
week!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved my self and everyone around me…….I loved
Starcom……I loved Reiki Teacher Prasad Karmarkar……………I just love!
The Journey from here on…………………..will follow
continuation to my personal experience blogs, I am
right now in a waiting phase, my reverse surgery has to happen, it was supposed
to be done in June, my dear Dr. Chandan felt it would be better and easier for
him and me if I took a precautionary dose of Lupron that basically dries up or
reduces the size of the uterus and adhesions (growths) , then it will be easier
for them to remove them and reverse the colostomy…….oh wow I am actually
becoming quite a knowledgeable person on all this. The net is a boon to
mankind, there is so much info, educative but sometimes can psyche a person
with the kind of info and experiences that are vividly and very lucidly written.
Nevertheless……instead of psyching u out the simple
message is I had to take this injection and wait for 2 months before I went on
the surgery table. So I am in waiting…………………….
But in this time when I can’t shop for saris, stitch
new salwars and kurtas or even spend long hours on the weekend at the beauty
parlor/spa, which I used to enjoy so very much, I have to equip myself and yet
be happy ……………..what to do?
Well, Books, TV, computers, walks and bit of gym,
cooking, housekeeping, etc kept me equipped also kept my mood swings and
depressions (due to the medication) in check and control.
But you know what two things that I am enjoying a
great deal are: MOVIES AT MULTIPLEXES AND BLOGGING.
I am at the multiplex every weekend and watching the
wonderful releases every week, sarkar raj, Jodha Akbar, Aamir, Jaane Tu, kismet
connection……… it's simply fantastic. lots of popcorn and chats and of course
new stars and great acting / fantastic music all of this is making my heart so
full of joy.
Blogging ka toh main kya kahoon, it feels so great
to put down one's thoughts, whether it's about something at
home/office/friends/relatives/or in one's own heart. I have been getting
encouraging comments and views from a lot of my friends. like my super boss, Ravikiran
said…some write for others to read and some write for themselves you choose……I
am writing because it's making me happy, helping me spend my time so
creatively, who knows sometime later this might just be very interesting
reading for my self, glancing through what I felt at different times.
oh god, another dude who makes me feel so happy is
Salman khan with his 10 ka dum……..the program is rocking, nothing intellectual
or mind racking, it's just like some commonsense or gut feel kind of content,
and the way sallu interacts with the contestants and the audience is worth
commending. Rock on Sallu……aaj ke liye jab main bahut depressed ho Sakti thi
aap ne bachaliya….
What would i have done without Hrithik and ash’s
pristine romance , Rahman's soul-stirring Khwaja mere Khwaja, govarikars
fantastic expansive visuals, imraans cute looks and so very Rajput like
mannerisms, Sr and jr AB’s raj, Rajeev Khandelwal's histrionics in Aamir (I was
so worried he was going off tv, thank god he is on the larger screen) shahid’s
superb dancing and acting connecting with my joy ……..
This is some kismat connection………………..wonderful hai
na…..
Reminds me of Bhansali's famous pic khamoshi’s song:
Aaj main upar, aasmaan neeche, Aaj main aage (zamana) Mera dukh or depression
ha peeche…………………!!!!!!!
Be happy guys till next time:)
Will I be free?
The week bygone has been a week full of apprehension
and tension, as days are passing I am getting so very impatient and intolerant
of my physical status, I am waiting for the surgery to take place and be done
with it once and for all.
Post-December the surgery was supposed to be done 6
months later, I was eagerly waiting in June, these six months have been very
tough and difficult not only physically but challenging mentally and
psychologically too. When I met Dr. Chandan in June he discussed with me
several issues that could go wrong and right for this surgery. He suggested I
take a precautionary dose of pride which would shrink the size of the uterus
thereby making it easy for them to remove it and reverse the colostomy. I was
so disappointed but certainly, I have to cooperate with the doctors to make it
easy for them and reduce the chances of things going wrong. On June 15 I was
administered a super-strong dose of fluoride, which also has some side effects
as per info on the net, I had to go through this, and I knew I would.
So, the wait continues……………..two more months to go,
hopefully, the pride would do its job inside and the uterus size would be
reducing, the adhesions would also be shrinking, I continued going to the
office.
Work suddenly became exciting and lots of it
happened, I started working on very cute brand Kinder Joy a kids chocolate
brand, Tictac a youth brand, Peroni an Italian beer brand…………wow all
international brands I loved it.
It’s the end of July, I am counting days it's over a
month and a half, august 15 it will be exactly two months, my doctor had asked
me to meet him at the end of July. I called Dr. Chandan and reminded him, he
asked me if I was counting each day I told him I am counting every hour and
minute too. I met him on June 30 we had a long discussion, two and a half
months he said, I told him my patience was hitting rock bottom. let's meet in the first week of August and we
will decide what to do.
noooooooooooooooooo, not what to do, we will decide
the date I pleaded. lets see.
doc is so firm always. Nevertheless, I asked RK for good days astrologically to
suit my horoscope or star, etc. Rk was leaving for the US of A for a month to
conduct some fantastic havans for Sringeri Matt. just before he left he said
25/26 aug are good days. there it goes, my mind was all set, I knew it must
happen on those days.
On the 4th of Aug Monday morning, I SMS doctor
Chandan, u said the first week of Aug when are we meeting? he laughed, maybe
Friday he replied. ok so I connect on Thursday, I sent him an SMS.
On Thursday 7th Aug, I SMS him – can I come at 10.30
am tom? a very terse reply came back – YES, ok it's going good Usha.
On Thursday evening when I came home from office, I
was so restless, tense I did not know what I should do, I was going around the
house and kitchen pottering around, I could not even watch tv, I kept telling
my self all will be fine, don’t get tense, common Usha just chill, finally I
took my meal in hand and with Akshay and his khatron ke Khiladi girls I settled
to watch some tv.
The program is so exciting I go engrossed in the
stunts and time passed. I sent reiki requests to all my family in mum and Reiki Teacher Prasad Karmarkar, give the strength to hold my self.
Finally, the morn came, I got ready and headed to
the hospital, I reached so early, half an hour to go I took Eckhart Tolle's the
new earth and read some wonderful zen stories and the pages I read gave me the
power to stay calm.
The doctor arrived, I went into the consulting room,
how have u been? fine but very tense doctor……………
fine so u get admitted on the 22 and we do the
surgery on 25 or 26th, since u have done all the test recently u just do some
routine blood tests, we will need 4 pints of blood, so get your friends or some
donors in place, we will have to prepare you for the surgery, do some steam
inhalations, blow a balloon say 100 times a day or breathing exercise to keep
your lungs in action…………………………….
Was I dreaming? No, it's real, it's
on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy, that I felt I was flying.
all instructions done, the downsides things that can
go wrong 5% chances all heard, so we meet again next week either 12 or 13 for
more he said and stood up to leave.
Tears rolling down my cheek, but a smile broke on my
quivering lips………………
Dear God,
Give me the strength to hold on, sustain the
onslaught of allopathy, heal the slicing of the knife, shower flowers and
sparks of healing on me and my heart and soul…………..
Send the angels to guard me, mother me, hold my hand
through this experience, and see me shining healthy and back to normal.
Request to all my friends to be with me and hold my
hand support me and send me lots of love.
I will do my next post before I get admitted to the
hospital……………………
Cheers
15 days more to go…..
The week that went past had kept me on tenterhooks,
I am now in full zoom……..happy and gung-ho…..my surgery date is fixed for Aug
25 at 7.30 am precise, am all in preparation. I am blowing balloons so that my
lungs get in better shape…..steam inhalations for all the tracts to be clear of
any congestions, walking so my legs are not swollen and fit, eating only
chapatis and subzi to keep my tummy in condition and light, all this cool for
physical preparedness, but most importantly I am very very well prepared
mentally, the secret is the :
My dear friend vaidy reminded me that I had not
encountered the secret and told me to buy the book immediately.
What’s more, I went to crossword and bought the book
pronto………
I began reading the secret that has engulfed me and
my life…..stunning book, am just reeling in the effects of the secrets.
It's just toooooo fantastic.
I have already visualized myself walking out of the
hospital all fine and happening.
I am feeling so energetic and upbeat it’s not funny.
I spoke to Reiki Teacher Prasad Karmarkar this morning, I have been trying to reach him for so many
days, this morning has been superb, and all is under control.
I have told all my friends about the date and time,
they will surely turn up, RK (ex-husband) day and nights I will manage with the
nurses, friends will drop in and out, Kanchana will take charge of the money
and bills……
GOD TUSSI GREAT HO
My request to the universe:
Please support me, hold my hand and sail me through
this sea painlessly, comfortably and with joy.
My request to all my friends:
Please, pray to the power and almighty for me.
Triyambakam yajamahe, sugandhim pushtivardanam,
urvarukham iva bandhanad, mrityormukshiya mamrutat.
The week went by so fast and quick, I tried to
complete all the jobs on my plate to the best of my ability. Last Thursday was
so very hectic and full of tension, while I was busy with work, doc calls to
postpone the date, again? I did not know how to react, he said the OT at the
hospital would be closed for annual maintenance!!!!!! could not have been more
accurate timing, anyways we spoke for Tuesday 26, I immediately called all my
friends and reiki family and told them its not 25 but 26th same time same place.
the day went on and by 3 pm doc called me again,
Usha can we do it on Wed 27, u know I want to play safe with the equipment and
smells and fumigation, etc. or u could check with pandit Ji for a fresh date or
else wed 27 is fine for the surgeons etc. ok I will revert I said. called RK
and checked 27 is a Wed and is fine for u he said, u know I was not too keen on
mon25 7.30 am its Rahu kalam, he said!!!!!and Tues also was not too great for
u, but then if the docs want that what can we do, so I said its fine but wed is
much better and suits u fine he said. Zindabad – see god does all for our good,
I called the doc and confirmed the date, 27wed 7.30 am at st Philomena's, d
ward (the room is booked). I drew the money and handed it over to Kanchana who is
in charge of my hospitalization and bills.
So here is the team:
Docs: Dr. Chandan Juneja / Dr. Shridhar pandit / Dr.
Suhasini gyanaec / Dr. Anindita my physician
Friends who will take care: Kanchana / RK / Shekhar
(my brother) / Suma
Who will donate blood for me: Shivamurthy our IT
person at office/babu ( our office security person who was so keen to give me
blood as his group is also B+) / Bharath is my colleague Swarnalatas friend /
and Shekhar.
Everything is set, reiki requests flying all over,
support is pouring in from everyone, so many prayers, wishes, and love I am so
very overwhelmed.
Thanks, universe, thank you, god, thank you to every
human being who is part of my life in any which way.
Love u all
I will be admitted on Monday at the hospital,
tomorrow will be a Sunday at home and I will key in my blog before I go into
surgery.
Ciao
I am healed…………….. :)
September 9, 2008, by Ushark | Edit
To continue the saga…………..hahahaha, I got admitted
in the hospital st.philomenas, one of Bangalore's oldest hospitals, opps the
Amitabh Bachchan fame too. Monday was full of tests, ECG, echo, blood tests,
hemoglobin, CTBT, etc. Tuesday dawned with a liquid diet as a preparation for
the surgery.
The d day is wed morning aug 27 at 7.30 am
The surgery is scheduled as follows:
1 urologist to fit in some stents
2. Gynac to remove the uterus and ovaries
3. Gastro surgeons to remove hernia – the new and
latest entrant in the body
4. Gastro surgeons to mobilize and reverse the large
intestine.
5. They will then join the cut ends of the intestine
6. Clean up and close the wound.
……………..more to follow
Am Home and recovering:
Hey, it's almost a month since I wrote anything; Oct
has been unique and truly inspiring for me.I appreciate everything that I have
got and every moment I live. Life is blooming like a flower in full bloom.
My first travel to Goa:
October is that month of the year I wait for very
eagerly, we have the reiki intensive transformation workshop at GOA. I was very
excited and was looking forward to going to goa, not only would I meet my guru Reiki Teacher Prasad Karmarkar but would meet nearly 80+ people of my reiki family and over 40+ new
members who will enter this beautiful ring of light and become part of ‘the
family’.
This year the intensive was truly magical, I was
barely out of my surgery but participated 100% in all the exercises and
meditations. We had a wonderful surprise – Karnamrita Dasi – one of the dream
singers of bhajans and kirtans came to be part of our workshop along with our
dearest devotional singer Sundaram. both of them made our workshop truly
spiritual and magical.
The magical voices – Karnamrita Dasi and Sundaram
I came back to Bangalore fully recharged, calm,
feeling very introspective and thinking of all the wonderful things that
happened there.
Work is on………clients send messages of praise….once
in a way:)
Diwali is here, its gonna be a time with friends and
family……….
On 8 March 2010:
Its woman’s day, the day reminds me of the
resilience of my rising like the phoenix of my being the woman with a strong
resolve. A line that sums it up for me is: JAB
FAASLO SE ZYAADA HO HAUSA BULUND, TOH MANZIL KI OOOR BADH CHALE KADAM.(a brand
descriptor line of the brands I work on, but just works for everyone)
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